Understanding the Concept of Father

Generally the notion of “biological” father is associated with understanding the concept of father in a layman’s term. But Kinship studies in Social Anthropology makes a distinction between the biological father (Genitor) and sociological father (Pater). I found this distinction interesting as Todas (a tribe of Nilgiri Hills which practices polyandry) has the prevalence of ceremonial rituals to determine the sociological father of unborn child. The biological father of the child may be different from the socially accepted father of the child. In our own society we have the concept of adoption wherein the society acknowledges and provides the same status to the adopted child even if he/she is not biologically related to the adopting parents. So we see that there might by distinction between genitor and pater.

Recently I was listening to a Ted talk episode on YouTube by Otto Kelly. He pointed out that most of the sociological problems which are prevalent in the present society like drug abuse, delinquency, alcoholism, child abuse, rape and violence, teenage pregnancy etc. can be attributed to the absence of strong father figure in an individual’s early life. His main observation was that the childhood wounds of absence of fathers either physically or emotionally or both may have long term impacts on the overall development of the individual. He called upon the men to take up the charge and fulfill their responsibility of committed father to their daughters and sons.

But I was wondering what happens in case of children coming from separated/ divorced/ widow parents? Renuka Sahane in an episode of Behensplaining on the release of her recent movie Tribhanga (available on Netflix) spoke how she had to face discrimination growing up as she was coming from a separated family. Other children refrained from playing with her and she was looked down as if touching her would lead to break in their own families. This is important to note as our society treats these children (coming from divorced/ single parents) differently and a stigma (using Goffman's term) is attached to these children.   

Bollywood has celebrated the notion of ideal families (movies like Hum Sath Sath Hain) but Tribhanga tries to explore the so called “flawed” families wherein it depicts the lives of three generation of women in search of their aspirations and dreams. The issue of absence of father in one's life is highlighted through the character of Anuradha (played by Kajol). She always blames her mother Nayantara for the absence of her father. Later on Nayan’s second husband starts physically abusing her daughter (Kajol) and the movie shows its ramifications for Kajol as well as the entire family. Kajol’s daughter Masha (played by Mithila) does not want to repeat the “mistakes” of her mother as well grandmother and settles in a traditional family wherein she even goes for sex detection of her unborn child in order to ensure that the baby is not a girl.

I have used the example of of Bollywood movie here but real life situation is not very different. Young children especially the girls face lots of challenges in the absence of father in our society. This is not to undermine the role of mothers in child rearing and upbringing. But to also acknowledge the role of father in a child’s life. 

Role of Education for Gender Inclusive Society

Yesterday I listened to a lecture by an eminent professor on the need of gender inclusive education so that children can be sensitized about gender from early age. Personally I did not had a clear cut understanding of gender till my graduation. When I studied the paper Anthropology of Gender during Masters course then only I started thinking critically about the gender related issues prevalent around me. 

The Prof. spoke that gender is a very problematic concept. An individual is required to fill his/her/their gender in all kind of forms- whether belonging to male/female/transgender category. But gender is a social construct. What does it implies? Very often people confuse gender with sex but these are not synonym terms. Sex is biologically determined while Gender is socially determined. Gender being a “social construct” implies that social norms, values and ideas shape the understanding of the individual’s gender. From a very early age, girls are encouraged to participate in the household chores while boys are encouraged to play outside. Girls are cheered for developing the feminine traits of care and nurture. For example, I saw at a construction site, a girl of 5-6 years old kept carrying her baby brother (almost 6 months old) while her mother was busy in work. Another example is that a young boy (about 5-6 years old) is encouraged and sent along with his 11/12 years old sister in order to protect her. So from a very early age our children learn the gender roles and the differential treatment accorded to them by their parents and society. But what is considered ‘feminine’ and ‘masculine’ traits differ from one culture to another culture. The much celebrated study (Sex and Temperament in three Primitive Societies, 1935) by Margaret Mead (famous anthropologist) focusing on New Guinea native tribes-Mundugumor, Arapesh and Tchambuli pointed out that cultural conditioning determines the masculine and feminine characteristics. She observed that both male and females were gentle, responsive and cooperative among Arapesh. For Mundugumor, both males and females  were violent and aggressive. While among Tchambuli, woman were dominant, aggressive and managerial and men were less responsible and more emotionally dependent.

According to the Prof., children require an gender inclusive curriculum since the very early stage rather than having a separate paper on gender. It should be incorporated into the syllabus of every subject. This is a very welcome step. 

The main concern today is the safety of our girls/ women while we read the heart wrenching news of rapes (one rape reported every 16 minutes as per 2019 data in India). But safety concerns from whom? Obviously from the men or the boys of our own society. The very incidences of increasing rape cases indicate that we have failed as society to raise our boys/ men who understand and respect the opposite gender. This is a very important and the New Education Policy (NEP) also talks about the importance of gender inclusive education.

But is classroom education enough to build the moral character of our children who can realize the gender based discrimination and can raise their voice for making a just and equitable society? My argument is that children spend far more time in their homes and society as compared to the time spent in the  respective classroom. Home is the very first center of learning for the child. The role of education is limited in order to bring the gender awareness among the children if they witness the gender based violence and discrimination in their homes and in the society (in case of larger perspective). I have seen grown up well educated men (even having PhDs also in some of the cases) with no change in their way of thinking. These men do not loose a single point to make you realize that you are a woman and no matter what it is the responsibility of women to manage the household (not concerned with how well you are earning or managing your career). This stress on managing the household become more pronounced when the topic of ‘Who cooks the food’ surfaces up. This is a high time that we realize doing household chores is life surviving skills and irrespective of the gender every individual  should learn these. What we need is to have more gender inclusive spaces at homes, offices, and society so that learning of the concept “gender” is not limited to the classroom. For this we need to start from our very homes.

Woman Body as a Display Site of her Marital Status

 

I am writing this as netizens are currently busy applauding Dhanashree Verma who shared a video of her dance while adorning sindoor and red bangles. She is a famous YouTuber and recently tied the wedding knot with Indian cricketer Yuzvendra Chahal. She is being appreciated as she has choosen to amalagate the traditional values of Hindu culture with modern culture. I have nothing against her and I respect her personal choices. But my question is why our society judge women continuously and why this hullabaloo about her choice of wearing bangles and sindoor?

A woman is prepared for her marriage since her childhood in our society. But being married is not enough. A woman is also required to look married essentially in her day to day life. She is required to put sindoor, bindi, mangalsutra, bangles, and other accessories that mark her status of being married. All these are considered the symbols of her marriage and she needs to put all these in order to ensure her suhaag lives long. From her forehead, nose, ear, neck, fingers, wrists, ankle and toes she is adorned with jewelry and accessories to indicate her marital status. All these become the symbols or markers to convey her marital status to the society. Her body becomes a site of display of her marital status.

Are there any such accessories or markers worn by the male counterparts in our society to announce their marital status that are visible even from a distance? Well as expected the answer is a big NO. There are wedding rings but men are not necessarily required to put those in order to show their love and affection to their wives. They are also not required to wear these so that their life partners can be blessed with a long and lengthy lifespan.

Why this hypocrisy and why only women are subjected to the display of their marital status in our society? Many of my Hindu women friends who are married and they do not put neither sindoor nor bindi on their foreheads by their own choice in day to day life. But the point here is that they are living in a urban metro setting where this can be taken as a case of modernity. However not all of them are free to follow such kind of practices. One of my friend’s family (they stayed in NCR region) insisted her to put bindi and sindoor even though she was visiting the department. She did not like to put bindi while she was in the campus and used to remove it as soon as she entered the department. She was cautious to put it back while returning to her home.

My point is that it should be the choice of the woman just like the men. She should be free to decide whether she is willing to put all or any of these accessories or not rather than forced to do so by her husband or family or society in the larger context. On a personal note, I love to dress up and put bindi on my forehead on certain occasions but it is my personal choice. And I certainly do not wish to put bindi on my forehead each and every day.

Befikre: Men Vs Women

Befikre was reported to be the modern version of 90s super hit family entertainer "Hum Sath Sath Hai". So I thought I would be skipping this movie. But by the end of this week I changed my mind and gave in the craving of watching my favorite actor Ranvir Singh on-screen. 

To begin with I did not like the comparison of female protagonist with Poonam Pandey as reported by media. The movie plot revolves around the messy and complicated love story of two adults. The hero immigrates to Paris from Karol Bagh, Delhi in search of his dreams and happen to meet a half-Indian half-French girl. As expected both fall in love and decide to move-in together without knowing each other completely. Though very soon both realize their mistake and part ways after living together for one year.

Both happen to bump into each other a couple of times after their break-up and ultimately decide to stay as friends. A common mistake most of the couples commit as it is practically impossible to become friends with one's old love flame. Both keep chasing their dreams and passion but halfheartedly. 

Here in the movie, the girl wants the stability and security while the boy prefers a carefree attitude towards life. But life changes when the girl decides to marry the so-called "Right Man". The boy feels rejected, dejected and proposes another girl for marriage despite the warnings of his ex. Again just a day before their wedding both realize their true feelings and emotions for each other and after a series of fights and altercation the protagonists run away together. As usual this Bollywood movie also ends with a happy ending but do we have happy endings in the life?

In crux this movie captures the messy and complicated emotions of youth. I have seen many such love stories of my friends around me.One of my female friend is in a serious love affair with her school time boyfriend since last sixteen years. Still both of them do not wish to tie the marriage knot. In contrast to this my other female friend falls in love every month. On the other side, some of my male friends have been trying to settle down professionally before taking the big step of marrying their respective girls while other are basking in the glory of single-hood for the time being.

Someday, somewhere we all fall in "LOVE" but the message of this movie is simple. Love relationship is like a "Ship" that can not sail without the true feelings of "Partners-in-Crime". So do not be afraid from experiencing this beautiful feeling and keep rising, keep shining and keep flying in love.

Dear Jindgi

In the harsh times of demonetization Bollywood came up with a very happy movie 'Dear Jindgi' which many of my friends have already watched and many are planning to watch. Well the movie plot is very simple yet realistic and we all specially the young generation who have migrated to different cities far away from their comfortable niches; feel connected to the story line as it revolves around an ambitious girl in her twenties trying hard to make her footprints in the big bad world of Bollywood.

I won't be killing the interest of my readers who are yet to watch this movie but the only thing I learnt from this movie is do not shy away from the real you. Express yourself and your emotions the way you want to without bothering about what the others would think. Its okay to laugh loudly and so is the crying when you feel the unbearable pain. Do not wait for others because there is no one in the end. It is your life and sometimes it is good to take up the steering wheel in your own hands rather then waiting for someone else in false hopes.

Shahrukh has brilliantly pulled up the character of a counselor cum a close friend of Alia. What we really need is a couple of caring friends who listen to us patiently, no matter how much we fight with them still they remain close to our hearts. So I would just say be Baccha like...like a kid... enjoy and experience the twists and turns of life before you run out of the time.

The song of Dedh Ishqiya beautifully captures the essence-
'Asi Uljhi Najar unse hat ti nahi,
Daant se rehsmi door kat ti nahi,
Umra Kab ke baras ke sufed ho Gayi
Kali badri Jawani ki chat ti Nahi,
Chehre ki Rangat udne lagi Hai,
Dar lagta Hai tanha sone me Ji,
Dil to Baccha hai Ji'

Daughter's Day in India

As we celebrate Daughters’ day today i.e. 11 August central Women and Child Development minister Maneka Gandhi is in spotlight for launching the campaign “Selfie with Daughters” on social media. She recently shared a picture on twitter with her daughter-in-law and grand-daughter with  #BBBPDaughtersWeek. The emphasis is on the need to treat one’s daughter-in-law as one’s daughter only. She has also invited people to share their pictures with their daughters-in-law and grand-daughters with #BBBPDaughtersweek. Many have argued that ‘in-law’ should be dropped from the word ‘daughter-in-law’.

I wondered how Rajasthan, my home state is going to observe this day as it has a sex ratio of 928 female for every 1000 males much below the national average of 940 female (2011 census), especially when Rajasthan boasts to have in office a woman chief minister Smt. Vasundhara Raje.

My attention was caught by a newspaper article where it praised the district collector Ms. Archana Singh for initiating a unique scheme in Rajsamand district. She directed the Gram panchayats in this particular district to reserve lands as Kanya Upvan/ Girl Parks. The panchayats will ensure that a family will plant eleven saplings in the reserved Kanya Upvan upon the birth of a girl child in order to welcome her. The girl will enjoy the rights over the income earned from selling the fruits and flowers of these plants. Already nine gram panchayats have adopted this scheme namely Binol, Banodiya, Bhanuja, Lal Madri, Taal, Tasol, Bhana, Mohi, Kuraj. The aim is to cover all the villages in Rajsamand district under this scheme.

This initiative serves as the perfect example of ecofeminism that emerged in mid 1970s alongside second wave feminism and the green revolution. Ecofeminist movement tries to connect the exploitation and degradation of nature with the subordination and oppression of women as a result of patriarchal system (‘Feminism and Ecology’ by Mary Mellor, New York University Press, 1997). So the Kanya Upvan scheme of Rajsamand district perfectly blends in the concerns of the nature and women. No doubt it is worth emulating in other states too where sex ratio is worrisome (top five states are Haryana,879; Jammu and Kashmir,889; Punjab,895; Uttar Pradesh,912; and Bihar, 918, census 2011). At the same time Rajasthan administration has to ensure that implementation of this scheme goes beyond just papers as it's a cumbersome process to ensure the maintenance and growth of plants for years to come.

Head cover across the Religions

Now-a-days our attention is attracted towards movement initiated by Iranian women against compulsory head covering. But whenever we talk about the prevalence of head cover why only Islamic women capture all the limelight. What about the conditions of women across the religions?

I belong to a North Indian state where I see Hindu women covering their heads with cotton cloth known as Odhni or Chunri. Often young women cover their heads infront of elder men in order to show their respect or may be because of their shy nature. But not only the young but septagenarians and octogenarian women cover their head. They do not need to show their respect for anyone.
At the young age I could not grasp the functional importance of this head cover. But now my anthropological training helps me to understand its suitability considering the local arid climatic conditions. Women working in the fields wipe off their sweat with this cotton odhni. These women also carry large heaps of grass, often tied with help of odhni on top of their heads, from fields to their houses to serve as the fodder for the cattle.
One of my friend's mother, a Rajput, is in Rajasthan administrative services (RAS) and currently posted in Alwar. She balances this act of head covering perfectly. She covers her head whenever she wears the traditional Rajputi Poshak and visits their village. But when she goes to office, she does not cover her head. This way she respects the traditional cultural values and simultaneously portrays the image of modern woman at her office.

Further if I look at Sikh women, they also cover their head with turban after they have tasted amrit known as amrit chakhna. Now comes the Christian women, very recently I observed while travelling in metro that the sisters sitting in front of me had covered their heads with scarfs.

So not just Muslim but Hindu, Sikh and Christian women are found to cover their heads. The reason cited by many is that long hair of women tend to attract or tempt men. So the head need to be covered or shaved off in case of Hindu Sadhvis or Buddhist nuns who gave up their hair after renunciation.

Again I probed further and analyzed the clothing pattern of men across the religions. To my amazement I found that men also cover their heads. In my home state Rajasthan,  Hindu men cover their heads with beautiful and colorful turbans known as Pagadi or Safa. This is considered as a symbol of their prestige. Islamic men wear the headgear known as taqiyah. Then Sikh men also wear turban just like their women counterpart. The traditional headgear of Christians is known as Mitre.

So not only the women but men cover their heads in accordance to their religious and cultural values. Rather than rejecting the practice of head cover as a fundamentalist aspect of religion we need to have a deeper and nuanced understanding of it.